in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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