Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
