youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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