I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
