I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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