Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize