News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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