you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
