I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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