first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
