So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
