I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
