I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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