These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
