Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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