one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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