where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
