my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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