Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
