Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
