This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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