we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
