I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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