omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
