i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
