i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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