Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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