when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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