I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
