my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
