I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
