at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
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i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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