he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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