she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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