Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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