god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
