My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
