Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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