my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
