i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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