What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
