Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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