Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
