i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
