I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think a kid would responsible me up
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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