haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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