you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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