your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
