I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
