When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
