Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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