About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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