I just threw up on my dentist
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
honey bunches of taint.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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