Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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