Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize