I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
