I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
