so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
