I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
did you just send me my own nude
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
