I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
