Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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