Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
