So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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